We Found Love In a Nail Salon

Have you ever been to a first date to a nail salon? Ya, me neither, but I definitely witnessed that happen last night. It started off completely different than it ended up. It started when a guy walked into Juko around 8pm and asked if there was time for a manicure. It was nearly empty in the place so Zach, the salon manager, had no choice but to tell him yes and told him which chair to sit in. The confident/cocky dude proceeded make it loud and clear that it wasn't for him, but for his 'wifey' who was parking the car. A few minutes later 'wifey' strutted in the door and popped a squat 2 chairs away from me. I tried to focus on the movie that was playing straight ahead and not focus on the awkward comments he kept whispering loudly saying to his eye candy. 

Nothing says romantic like a guy telling his wifey to pick out a nail polish color as sexy as she is... and yes, he actually said that. Melts my heart. My guess is that she picked OPI's 'Do You Think I'm Texy'. I went with Roadhouse Blues(balls). That's what I'm thinking ended up happening to him by the end of last night. Anywho, she picked a few sexy colors and let him choose the winner... how presh! They were served a glass of white wine and her manicure got underway. I continued to focus on the movie that had just started... "Something Borrow". I've never seen it, so I was fully engaged in what was happening on the tube and trying to avoid the catastrophe to my left. 

It was not until I clearly heard homeboy ask his wifey when she had her last good kiss. I couldn't help but perk up when he asked this. NOT because I was interested, but because I was confused beyond belief. Why would he ask his wifey such a dumb fucking question... well friends, it's cause she was not his wifey. In fact, she was far from it. They were on a first date. I'm not sure if I was just too stunned by the growing awkwardness of what was happening or just didn't hear her response, but next thing I know is I looked out of the corner of my eye and there was a full fledge makeout in progress. WHO DOES THAT? If you do that or have ever done that, please don't tell me because you will get judged... harshly. Couldn't have waited 15 more minutes til you got to the car? I was astonished... and completely lost from what was happening in the movie at that point. I was beyond mortified for the poor girl who was doing her nails... she was just about ready to go home for the night when wifey and homeboy waltzed in at 8pm for a makeout manicure sesh. Hope she got a great spit... I mean tip. 

Simple rule: If you want to get a manicure, don't interrupt with a makeout. If you want to makeout, don't come in for a manicure. 

Word to the wise for the future tall, dark, and handsome that walks into my life... if you call me 'wifey' and/or take me to get a manicure on our first date don't even consider calling for a second date. Grow some balls, have some manners, and be a gentleman. Not hard.  

take it or leave it: A few festive words to live by...

 

Holiday Gluttony

Tis the season to lose any type of workout routine I was in and pack on the lbs. Seriously, nothing grinds my gears more… except for fluffing the branches on the Christmas tree. It’s like why buy a winter coat when I can just eat my way to one. I believe whales refer to that as blubber. Infuriating, yet it could possibly happen. I constantly tell myself ‘come on Lizz, get it together and stick with it. You’ll regret it later when you’re sweating balls on the treadmill.’ The battle never ends, I tell ya. What is so hard about sticking to it? Well, let me tell you.

First there’s Thanksgiving… nothing says obese American quite like Thanksgiving. We make it a patriotic duty to shove our faces with as much food as possible on that day and we’re proud of it. Sure, I’ll have a slice of pumpkin pie and pecan pie, oh and don’t forget the extra side of diabetes. I truly will never understanding eating to the point of being so full that one literally has to unbutton their pants. Am I guilty of this, yes. But that doesn’t make it right. It’s quite disturbing if you ask me.

It’s almost like there’s no turning back after Thanksgiving because then it’s full fledge holiday time. You have this party one day, a work party the next night, mix that with cocktails and hor d'oeuvres and your 1,500 calorie day just skyrocketed to 3,000 protruding calories. And naturally these parties happen to fall exactly at the time I would be working out… so there goes that days workout. #firstworldproblems. And then there’s your co-worker who brings in a huge tray of cookies because she was in the holiday spirit and got carried away with the sugar cookies and icing. How can one resist such perfect snowman cookies? I can’t.

And then once you think you’re in the clear after Christmas comes New Year’s Eve… why eat 1,500 calories when you can drink them? Isn’t that how you usually ring in the New Year? Makes for one hell of a hangover, and 9 times out of 10 it’s not worth it, but magically year after year I never seem to learn my lesson… except this year. Fingers crossed I actually stick with that.

If you’re in my (gravy) boat, you know that it’s no fun falling off the workout bandwagon, but it’s even less fun to try and get back on it once you’ve fallen. I truly do my best to make working out a priority even if I can only spare 20 minutes that day. Even when I think I’m too tired to work out some nights, I know I will regret not doing it at all just to get a little more sleep that night. So, as I sit here yawning and thinking about holiday Oreos I’m still going to go home and hit the mill tonight, sweat balls, and be much happier when I’m done. It’s worth it.

take it or leave it: Skinny Taste Go there. Love it. You’ll thank me. Some of the best recipes I’ve found in a long time. I’ve tried a good handful of recipes from this site and not one has disappointed.

Thankful

With Thanksgiving tomorrow I find it fitting to blog about the holiday that typically involves a great deal of overeating, football, and family time. No, I won't be writing about the number of calories we're going to consume. We all know it's way too many to even think about. I'm talking about the one holiday that forces us to pause and reflect on how lucky and thankful we all really are.  

While this is an assumption, I would say that for the majority of the year many of us take things for granted - family, friends, material goods, work, living in a free country - you name it and we do. It's not a bad thing, but it is somewhat sad to me that it takes Thanksgiving and Christmas for people to realize how thankful we all should be for what we have. Imagine how enriched our lives would be if everyone was conscious of how extremely lucky we are. I think it would make for a much happier and more peaceful world. 

It will never be the cars, clothes, money, jewelry, shoes, and houses that we "need" in our lives that matter. It's our family, friends, love, and memories that mold us into the people we are and should be. So it is with that, that I've compiled a short list of the things I'm most thankful for... none of which can be bought.  

-for my parents who have taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. I cannot even put into words how thankful I am to have grown up in the family I did. They taught me to give and not take for granted because everything I have today could be gone tomorrow. My parents are not just parents, they're my best friends. 

-for my brothers who have made me one tough lady... and to have patience. They have made me realize that I could not be any luckier to have brothers and to fall right in the middle of them. And, I can't help but think they appreciate having me as their one and only sister. :)

-for my FLFL who I could not imagine my life without. Many of my best memories, stories, and laughs include the FLFL. We're more than best friends, we're sisters.

-for my dogs Toby, Jack & Elliott. Simply put, they brighten my day and always make me smile. They will never know how much love they fill me with.

I think it's important and good for the soul to take a few minutes and really think of the things that you're most thankful for... it will be a great reminder of what really matters in life. 

take it or leave it: a fitting quote... 

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude
means to take nothing for granted,
but to always seek out and value
the kind that will stand behind the action.
Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course.
Everything originates in a will for the good,
which is directed at you.
Train yourself never to put off
the word or action for the expression of gratitude.
Albert Schweitzer

Hungover & Hard Up

Hangovers. My arch nemesis. The devil. My worst nightmare coming to life. I hate hangovers, but I have them… often. I’ve been known for my ridiculous hangovers. Definitely not something I’m proud of, but it is what it is. I’ve come to accept it throughout the years and know not to make plans on Sundays because odds are that my head will be in the toilet for most of the day. #embarassingbuttrue. I have dwindled those miserable days down in recent years because I simply hate how I feel when I have a hangover. Yet, it never fails that I get caught up in the fun of someone’s Birthday or some special occasion and completely forget that a hangover is the lovely gift I will wake up with one the following day.

  

This past Wednesday I went to see Eric Church at Joe’s Bar (insert ‘special occasion’) with some friends. Being that it was a Wednesday night I had no intentions of getting “sloshed” as we called it. 2 years ago that would not have been the case. Going out on week nights were our thing, and getting sloshed would have been my goal for the night, but I digress. Week nights are no longer my thing, and Thursday morning was a miserable reminder of why. Hung over and have to go to work? How? Not possible, except it happened. There it was rearing its ugly head at me, and I’m pretty sure it was laughing in my face, too. It’s Thursday and I’m hung over. Fuck me.

Now, I know my limits and when I should stop drinking before I do something ridiculous, but I can assure you that I was not even close to that point on Wednesday night. I remember everything from that night… which is always how I measure how crazy I got. It’s weird, yet true. I tend to forget, or black out if you insist, a lot of things with the drunker I get. Not a good thing, I know, but this is my life. Anyway, it was not until my miserable traffic filled hangover commute to work yesterday that I came to the hard realization that I’m getting old and can’t party like I used to. I could have cried, but I didn’t. I just have to accept that I’m not getting any younger, apparently it’s only going to take 3 or 4 drinks for a hangover to invade my life for 24 hours. #factsoflife #partylikearockstar

take it or leave it: I have a new favorite TV. show… New Girl with Zooey Deschannel. It’s on Tuesday’s on Fox. Between New Girl, Up All Night, and Modern Family I get plenty of laughs in on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. If you have never seen it I would highly recommend watching an episode. Zooey, whose name is Jess in the show, is so witty and awkward that it makes just about anything she does funny. Here’s a clip from their most recent Thanksgiving episode... New Girl

Lollygaggin'

For the past 3 years I have been taking a trip every Labor Day Weekend with my best friends. It’s something that I look forward to and love planning because I know it will always be an unforgettable girl’s weekend year after year. The first year we did this trip we rented a house on Silver Lake in Michigan. The house was painted fire engine red and it was named “Lollygaggin’” – weird, right? Wrong. All of the red houses in our little area were named. We had Sheets-n-Giggles, Diddleysquat, Putzen, & even Persnickety. We found it fitting to deem our Labor Day Weekend girl’s getaway trip “Lollygaggin’”, so whenever we mention Lollygaggin’, we’re simply referring to Labor Day Weekend. I mean honestly, why call it Labor Day when you can call it Lollygaggin’?

I have some of the best mems from that first trip… including out piece of shit, spider covered, pontoon boat that we rented. While it got the job done in getting us from the house to the dune across the lake, it was straight up embarrassing. The combination of the loudly humming motor and the not-so-steady squeaky ‘roof’ of the boat let everyone know we would be there soon! Then there was the sprint down the dunes… we only had one participant in this event, but my oh my, was she eager to get down to the bottom first. Please note, this was literally the steepest and tallest dune I had ever climbed, so even just walking down it was a slow and careful process. Not for Jules. She took off like a bat out of hell down that dune and for a few seconds she was holding her own. Next thing I saw was hilarious and scary at the same time… head first into the dune and she just kept on rolling. There was no stopping her until she hit the bottom. It was actually the funniest and scariest thing I’ve ever witnessed. Once I knew she was ok, it was definitely the funniest. On our way down to see if she was ok we had to pick up her fedora, her sunglasses, her cup, and her sandals… all of which flew off as she tumbled down. Not a pretty site, but holy hell it sure was a funny one.

The second annual trip we decided to go balls to the wall. Why go to a tiny lake house in Michigan when you can go to Napa! By far and away the best trip of my life. I drank myself silly, learned how to sabre a champagne bottle, bought a lot of wine, and had the best time of my life with my best friends. Highly recommend getting a DD for a day – best idea we ever had! They took us to wineries that we would have never known existed, including a personal favorite Kelham. Never heard of it? Exactly. It’s VIP. Baller status. That’s what we do in Napa, go big or go home! Two other recommendations I have when visiting Napa. 1. Rent a house in Napa instead of staying at a resort. We were able to cook dinner, relax, be ourselves, be loud, and even save money by renting a house. 2. If you ever opt to do a bike tour around Napa, think twice! Don’t even do this when it’s 90 degrees out. You will end up having the guy at the bike shop come pick you up from exhaustion. Not that we did that (totally did that). It’s a great idea, and fun, but you are literally biking up mountains just to get some wine. Couldn’t even get tipsy because we were sweating so bad. TMI, but it’s true. Napa was worth every penny and then some… can’t wait to go back one day and not rent bikes!

This last Labor Day Weekend we headed up to Okee, WI where we rented on a house on Lake Wisconsin (they’re creative with the lake names up there). There was nothing unusual about this trip, aside from the weather. Prior to the trip we had rented a pontoon boat for 2 of the 3 days we were there. The only problem was the weather. It was literally 50 degrees and windy as hell. Not the ideal boating weather, but we bucked up and made the best of it. We kept warm with sweatshirts and a lot of alcohol. 2 full days of being on a pontoon boat with high winds, rain, and the occasion sunshine tease did not make for the best trip, however I suppose that’s what you get for choosing to go to Wisconsin in September. Note to self, from here on out we should only pick places south of Chicago. Better odds with warmer weather!

2012… Who’s to say where we’ll end up for the Lollygaggin’ trip! Although I have a feeling it might involve some cowboys, Broadway Ave., and country music. Bachelorette party in NashVegas… just sayin’!

take it or leave it: The Pinterest Affect – my term for the amazing things I have learned, tried, and purchased because of my obsession with Pinterest. I must say, The Pinterest Affect is a good thing to have. I decided to take a small risk and try a recipe that I found on Pinterest from the website www.skinnytaste.com. Such a great site with delectable recipes that I cannot wait to keep trying! So far I have made 3 things from this site and all have been lip-smacking good! Most recently I tried the chicken taco chili and not only was it to die for, it was also extremely easy. It’s a crock pot recipe, which I’m quickly finding out is the best thing since sliced bread. Throw a bunch of shit in a crock pot in the morning, come home from work and it’s ready to eat. #YesPlease

To give is better than to receive

As I wrote up my Christmas list this year (yes, I still have to do that) I couldn’t help but be solemnly reminded of how lucky and fortunate I am that I’m asked to write up a list of things that I want from Santa/my parents. There are so many people, probably people you know, that don’t ever get the chance to ask for the things they want or need. My mom is a kindergarten teacher and she has students that ask for a blanket or a winter jacket, not toys. The essential in life that myself and plenty of others take for granted are the things that they desperately need and hope that Santa will bring for them. Year after year it rips my heart out thinking about what a crazy and unfair world we live in, but there are ways to make small differences…

For the past 5-7 years my mom works with the school social worker and chooses a family or 2 from her school for our family to provide a Christmas to, which they otherwise never would have had. The kids never know that it’s happening, but my mom will contact the mother and find out the details on what each of the children need, and are hoping for. We then go out and shop til we drop for them, wrap the gifts and wait for Christmas Eve to roll around to make the deliveries. After our family leaves on Christmas Eve my dad gets redressed in his Santa costume, my brother puts on an elf hat, we load the ‘sleigh’ with all of the gifts and hit the road.

My mom and I sit in the car far enough away for no one to notice, and anxiously await for the door to swing open. It is the most priceless thing to see the children’s faces light up when they realize Santa is standing on their front porch delivering presents to them. Every year it brings tears to my eyes to seeing the excitement and pure joy that the kids are filled with knowing that Santa really does exist. It’s worth every penny and more to have that experience year and year.

take it or leave it: There are other ways to give to people in need, and even those in need across the globe. Every year I make donations in my parents’ and brothers’ names to either Kiva.org or Worldvision.org. These 2 organizations are simply amazing. Kiva allows you to pay out loans to people trying to build their small businesses. The best part is that when they hit their funding goals they will repay you your loan and you can then loan that money out to another person trying to build their business. Simply amazing!
World Vision is also great! They have tons of amazing things you can do to help people in global crisis. For example, you can do is donate clean water to a village in Africa for $25, or donate 5 chickens to a family in Peru so they can help establish their business of selling eggs. You can even purchase cows and donate them to families. The list is endless. The best part about both of these organizations is that you’re helping others that need it most and without flying to Africa to feel like you’re making a difference. Something for everyone to ponder…

Spa Situations

There aren’t many things that I can think of that I enjoy more than indulging in a massage, preferably a deep tissue. I have too many knots and crazy tension to not treat myself every now and then. If I could justify getting a massage weekly I would absolutely do it. I have experienced a number of spas in my day… mediocre to grandiose and they’re all pretty similar. Some higher quality than others, but you have the typical locker room, sauna, steam room, massage room, and if you’re lucky a hot tub. It’s not so much the ambiance that I’m a critique of, but more so the masseuse that’s massaging the stress right out of me. I don’t continually go to the same masseuse, although after the few awkward experiences I have had with masseuse’s you would think I would have learned my lesson. Not exactly the case...

My best friends and I tend to make a full day and night when celebrating one of our Birthday’s, and this time around we decided to treat ourselves and the Birthday girl to massages. We went to Spa Space in Chicago, which I had never been to, but everyone seemed to rave about it. I should have known better than to fall for hype, but being that I was excited for a girl’s spa day I fell right into the trap. Please note, I decided to switch it up from my usual deep tissue and went with a tropical body scrub, which also included a mini massage. Best of both worlds, right? Wrong.

We get to the spa, head to the locker room, change into our robes and make small talk as we’re waiting for our masseuses to come get us. I knew I was in a deep shit when I was the 4^th out of 5 to get called out… and not by the masseuse, but by the receptionist. You see, I had Jerry… a male, who obviously wasn’t allowed to waltz into the ladies locker room to get me. Was this my first time with a dude masseuse? Not at all. In fact, I don’t mind having men because sometimes they’re stronger and can really get knots out.  The problem was that Jerry didn’t lead me upstairs where all of the massage rooms were. Jerry had the room under the stairs. Why don’t you just lock me in your tiny jank room and rape me while you’re at. It was a very awkward and uncomfortable start to what I thought was going to be a nice relaxing body scrub.

In the dimly lit triangular room Jerry started going at it with the sugar scrub. I was lying face down to start and he began… first legs, then my back, then my arms. I did my best to just relax and let the awkwardness disappear, but naturally that did not happen. All I could think was… “Are all of the rooms as creepy as this one?” “I can’t wait to tell the girls about this disaster.” “Is this really happening to me?” Yes, Lizz, it really was happening.

It did not hit me until I had to turn over that there was no sheet to cover me like a normal massage would have. Instead, because it was a scrub, I was covered with 2 small towels. Might as well lose the 2 towels at this point… Jerry and I were practically lovers <vom.com>. It was less than lovely picturing Jerry scrubbing my stomach and hoping one of my boobs didn’t perform a peep show. As far as I know, they stayed in place, unless Jerry was getting quite a good show while scrubbing me down and didn’t tell me. After hoping I would blackout and forget that this was happening it was time to get the scrub off of me. My good friend Jerry got some wash cloths and started rubbing off the scrub with wet cloths. I was a sticky mess when it was all said and done, and NO, I do not mean like that! I was covered in a sugar scrub and then wiped down with a wet cloth… by a male, who was particularly careless in getting all of the scrub off of me.

Needless to say I could not wait to be done and head back to vent to the girls. From what I remember the girls said my facial expression screamed mortified. It’s weird because they all looked quite relaxed and content. I walked out of that place with a few thoughts and questions… 1. Why would youever have a dude masseuse take his female client into a tiny room under the stairs and think that’s normal?  2. I am never going back there again. 3. It’s weird that walking out of the spa I feel more tension and knots in my back than when I walked in. 4. I need a cocktail, pronto tonto!

take it or leave it: I know I cry easily, but I dare you not to get tears in your eyes watching this. Love this... and it doesn't hurt that Tim Allen is the narrator. Chevy commercial

Childhood flashback

Time to rewind and take a trip back to the 80's and 90's. I am a child of the late 80's and 90's and I'm damn proud of it. When I think back to my childhood I have nothing but fantastic memories. If I had to describe my childhood in one word it would be: perfect. I lived in a cul-de-sac with about 10-15 kids. We played together every single day, and between all of us kids there were plenty of toys and games to go around.

You would never find us glued to the t.v. playing some crazy video game for hours on end. We were outside riding bikes, playing games, on the swing set, being active young children. It makes me sad to see how kids are growing up nowadays... if you don't have an iPhone or game system by the time you're 8 years old you're childhood is considered bad. Makes me wish kids could experience what my childhood was like even for one day.

I thought it would be fun to reminisce on some of my favorite childhood toys, games, t.v. shows, etc. Hopefully it'll take you back to the good ol' days! Alrighty, buckle up and enjoy! Ready, set, flashback...

Classic Toys
Original Nintendo - Mario & Luigi, Duck Hunt, and Track & Field. The bomb.com. Enough said.

Popples - one word: obsessed. I had Popples movies, sheets, sleeping bag, stuffed animals, etc. 
Pound Puppies - I had a leash for mine... dragged him everywhere. Poor thing.
Cabbage Patch dolls - my fave was one named Simon. A boy with red yarn hair and a teal jogging outfit. I played Simon Says with him... go figure
My Little Pony - I had the pony house and loved that P.O.S. It was perfect for my brood of ponies
Ghostbusters - I ain't afraid of no ghosts! I LOVED the proton pack and ghost catcher toy. 
McDonald's Drive Thru - no wonder there's so many issues with childhood obesity today!
Care Bears - what's not to love about the Care Bears... dare you to answer.
Lite Brite - such a dumb toy, yet I loved it. #easilyentertained
G.I. Joe's - I was forced to play with my brother. Luckily there was a couple girl figures
Teddy Ruxpin - while he's quite creepy to look at now, I was obsessed. No one could tell a bedtime story quite like Teddy.
Viewmaster - so classic and entertaining

Girl Stuff
Caboodles - mine was purple with a pink lock. I kept all of my scrunchies and lip smackers in there!
Slap bracelets - the ultimate accessory. I had TONS of these. TG they were never banned during my childhood. Could have been very tragic.
Easy Bake Oven - what a crock of shit. I actually believed that a light bulb was going to bake me a mini cake.  
Trolls - SO weird, but again, I had a huge collection of them.  
Melted beads - I don't know the real name for this craft, but I loved making these. Nothing was worse than dropping the whole thing on your way to iron it together. #childhoodproblems


Outdoor Toys
Super Soaker - always had to have the next best and biggest one. Spoiled kids with loaded guns. 
Slip n Slide - I actually lived to slip n slide, except for when it got filled with grass. #neatfreak

Pogo Ball - never was good at this, but damn did I try to be.
Roller Racer - I loved this for when I wanted to live on the edge. Felt like such a badass in that ride.
Skip It - I had every color and beat them all to shit because of how good I was. I can still sing the theme song.
Power Wheels - a very touchy subject in the Wheeler household. My parents never let Travis or I have one, and then magically Jake got one for his Birthday one year. To this day we're told that my grandpa bought it for him, but Trav and I don't buy it. #favoritism.

Games

Mouse Trap - I can't recall one time when that game actually worked without breaking.

Operation - always fucked this game up. I can still hear the buzz from hitting the metal side. #fail
T.V. tag - I'm 98% sure I only ever used Full House, Salute Your Shorts, and Wild & Crazy Kids every time I had to tag someone
Freeze tag - worth every knee scrap I got trying to unfreeze people
Hungry Hungry Hippos - again, not sure why I had such a love for something so dumb.
Pizza Party - literally my favorite game. If you don't know what it is, I'm sorry for you, and look it up.

T.V. Shows

Mickey Mouse Club - "M I C K E Y, Why? Because we like you. M O U S E"
Kids Incorporated - I loved this show so much. A lot of people don't remember it, but it was fantastic!
Where In The World is Carmen San Deigo
Double Dare - such an adrenaline rush trying to get through the giant ear full of 'wax' and green slime all for a little yellow flag.
Full House - obsessed.
Zoobilee Zoo - yet another extremely creepy thing that I loved. The lion was probably a pedophile

Music

New Kids on the Block - DUH. Who wasn't a fan?! I also had an NKOTB sleeping bag. Great memories making music videos with my best friends to Step By Step. 
M.C. Hammer - I'm very proud to say that M.C. Hammer was the first concert I ever went to. I credit him for making me 'too legit to quit'.

I could literally go on for hours with this list, but I should really hold myself back. Hope some of these toys/games/shows/music brought back some childhood memories for you... and if not, you're either way older, way younger, or the same age as me, but had a shitty childhood. 



take it or leave it: a few picture memories to add to the above...

Never be a whore(der)

When you think of the kind of nightmares people have it's typically themed with death - yours or someone you know, crime, monsters, bugs, etc. Not mine. My nightmare, whether asleep or wide awake, is hoarding. It's actually hard to talk about because it disgusts me that much. Come to think of it, my absolute worst nightmare would be tying me down, putting loose hair all over me, and making me watch Hoarders in a cluttered/disorganized house. Put me over the edge why don't you.

I literally cannot comprehend how people let their houses get that unorganized and pile up with garbage to the point that they're living in beyond unsafe conditions. Please don't pull the "it's a disease" argument on me because I won't hear it. As someone that is an organized, clutter free, minimalist I just don't see how someone can let themselves and their homes go so badly. You mean to tell me that in the process of the shitshow growing NO ONE has the right mind to put a stop to it. Family, friends, where are they? Obviously not paying any visits to the hoarders houses. It just makes no sense.

Leave it to TLC to create the show Hoarders. Shoot me in the face. As you may have guessed I have never seen an episode. Actually, I take that back. I have seen about 15 minutes of an episode and then had to remove myself from the situation. The rage and anger that built up in me was more than I could handle. And to that matter, just thinking about this so called 'disease' makes me really angry. The 15 minutes I saw was a woman about 60-65 years old, living alone, but had grown children that "didn't know her house was that bad". She was living in a house with no running water, no working plumbing or heat. Yes, no working plumbing... meaning she peed and dropped the kids off in bags and then left those to pile up in the house. What the fucking hell is wrong with this picture? EVERYTHING. Absolutely everything is wrong with that picture.

Needless to say you will never catch me watching Hoarders, and if I am, I've been drugged. I don't recommend watching it, unless you're looking to get into hoarding. Some key advice/thoughts from my mom... "I'd rather be a whore than a hoarder." A-to-the-men lady.



take it or leave it: It has been brought to my attention that I enjoy rhyming and abbreviating and sometimes I even combine the two. Have I known this fact? Yes, of course, but I didn't realize that other people had caught onto my crazy talk. You see, when I rhyme and abbrev it makes perfect sense to me, but usually makes zero sense to whoever I'm talking to. I typically abbrev a legit word and then the rhyming word is just whatever rolls off the tongue. It makes your average everyday vocabulary much more exciting. Highly recommended for all!
Examples: perf-a-lerf= perfect. totes magotes= totally. awky turts= awkward turtle. creep-a-leep= creepy.

Marriage Scarriage

Seems like there have been a couple major earthquakes in the land of A-listers this week. Headline news… pathetic, yet true. Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days of marriage and Bieber may be a baby daddy. That is some crazy shit, and I love it. I’m not going to lie, I could give two shits about Justin Bieber. Maybe if I was 15 my heart would be broken right now, but I’m not. This preggo is likely pulling a publicity stunt and trying to make a buck. Good luck sista, your 15 minutes is going to be up real quick. The thought of the Biebs being a baby daddy at what, 17 years old, is just not right. Although I suppose if he was the father he’d at least have the funds to pay child support. Can’t wait for the DNA test results… dun dun dunnnn (over it!).

*Disclaimer: I will fully admit that I am a fan of the Kardashians. I’m not trying to bash Kim with this blog. I watch all of their shows. I think for the most part, while being in the limelight, having money, and having cameras follow them everywhere that some of them try to lead normal lives. I can appreciate their honesty towards one another, and also laugh at their ridiculousness. I’m 99% sure that Khloe and I could be bff’s, and I’m not joking. I don’t feel that their shows are scripted, which nowadays in reality television is not the norm. Agree or disagree, those are my Kardash thoughts.

Move over Biebs… it’s Kardivorce time! The news of KK’s divorce blew up my twitter feed in a matter of minutes and it was an inescapable story on E! news, and every news show for that matter. It is almost guaranteed to be on the cover of this week’s People and US Weekly. BUT REALLY PEOPLE… are we that surprised about this? I’m not. Although I thought it would have gone a little longer than 72 days. If I was KK I would be embarrassed more than anything. 72 days… not even a full 3 months. Can you even consider that giving your marriage a try to make it work? Simply put, no.

Let’s get really real about this. If you took the time to watch BOTH of the ‘Kim Kardashian Fairytale Wedding’ specials, which I did (TG for DVR fast forwarding), you would have noticed that she could not have been less excited for her wedding. It really is sad what they’re going through, but it could have been avoided from the get go.

Exhibit A: She didn’t cry when he proposed or when she walked down the aisle or even when she said her vows. Now, I’m not saying this whole shindig was a setup, I’m simply saying that she didn’t want to get married in the first place. Perhaps being in the limelight 24/7 put pressure on her to go through with this. I wasn’t there, even though I like to think I’m friends with them, so I can say for sure. All I know is that Khloe and Kourtney have had my vote since day 1. They knew something was sketch with ‘The Hump’, and unfortunately Kim wouldn’t have any of it.

Exhibit B: Kris acted like a total prick… to Kim, to her family, all around. It was obvious that his immaturity would get real old real quick. I personally think that if she would have called off the wedding the story would have been much better. She could have told the media that she rushed into something that they clearly were not ready for and put some of the blame on him. Instead, they both look ridiculous trying to fight off the rumors.

Plenty of lessons to be learned from this… namely, don’t be an A-lister and have the biggest wedding of the decade when you know deep down it shouldn’t be happening in the first place.


take it or leave it: Found this on Pinterest and it really stuck with me. Hey you.

Welcome Home

There are many things in life that we get caught up in and take for granted, and in turn, we tend to lose track of what is really important. I do it probably more often than I’d like to admit, but all it takes is a simple reminder from someone or something to bring me back down and keep me grounded. Last December was not the easiest month for my family. It always seems like the worst things happen when we’re supposed to be filled with holiday cheer. Funny how things work out that way.

Anyway, we were in the process of caring for my aunt who had been in the hospital for over a year, and watching her slowly fade away from her old self. Hard to deal with, absolutely. And then things got even worse. A fire started in the garage of my aunt/uncle/cousins house on December 18^th. 2 of my cousins were at home and sleeping when it happened, and woke up to the smell of the smoke. They managed to get all of the animals out of the house and everyone was safe, but they lost many priceless items in the fire. They had to move into a rental house for what they told would be 3-4 months while the house was fixed up.

Then on December 22^nd, my uncle, the same one who’s house had a fire 4 days earlier had a massive heart attack. I’m 100% sure that someone was watching over him that day because the artery that was clogged is called the ‘widow maker’, meaning usually when you have that kind of heart attack you’re dead before you hit the ground. Luckily, very luckily, he happened to be arrive at the hospital in time before he flat lined. If he would have been anywhere but the hospital at that moment he wouldn’t be here today. Truly a miracle.

So, needless to say it was quite an emotional month for everyone… we had some highs and we definitely had some lows, but we all got through it and were more than happy to say sayonara to 2010. It’s now November 2, 2011 and my cousins just moved back into their house last week. 3-4 months turned into 11 months, but they’re just happy to finally be back in their home.

On Halloween they were at their house doing the obvious, passing candy out to trick-or-treaters, when they heard honking out on the street. They got to the front door to see this…

The kids were chanting “welcome home” and gave my aunt Suzanne flowers, and one of the neighbors went to the front door and put down a Welcome doormat down. If that doesn’t tug at your heartstrings I don’t know what will. I definitely had tears in my eyes when I saw this. It is one of those moments that you brings you back down to earth and restores your faith in people all over again. Such a great reminder that really all that matters in this life is your family, friends and the love and support you have for one another.

take it or leave it: Love Actually. Another fantastic holiday flick. One of my favorites... I've probably watched it 15 times. If you haven't seen it (I'm sorry for you) I'll give you a quick snyopsis. It's based in London and follows the love stories - good, bad, happy & sad - of about 8 main characters. One way or another there is a connection to each story, which you'll put together as the movie goes on. It's funny, witty, and you can't help but believe in love when it's over. Watch it!